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SW​:​S Retreat November 2019 Rensselaerville, NY

by SongwritingWith:Soldiers

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    These are songs recorded on site at retreats. They capture a song just hours after being written, like the song taking its first breath.
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1.
I'm Still Standing 02:10
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I was the Only hen in the bull party  Had to be twice good and twice as hearty  Got no respect, I had no voice from the Wolf pack of the good old boys   But I’m still standing  I’m still standing  I’m a survivor  I stuck the landing  I’m still standing  I stood my ground, put 'em in their place  I knocked 'em down and I walked away I’m still standing  I’m still standing  I’m a survivor  I stuck the landing  I’m still standing  I’m not defined them  Just fighting to whole again  I’m still standing  I’m still standing  I’m a survivor  I stuck the landing  I’m still standing  No more bullshit! © 2019 SongwritingWith:Soldiers Music (ASCAP) / DOC Nov 16 2019
2.
That Someone 03:39
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I tried to be a smartass I tried be a sister The only woman in a squadron of men I rolled with the punches Laughed at all their crude jokes They made it really hard But I tried to be their friend And in the end, it didn’t matter ‘Cause no one ever really had my back That’s when you find that certain someone Who’s gonna get you through And you find out that someone is you I let them define me That I was just a body Just show up and do what they say I thought the assault was Solely my fault And it stole all my confidence away There was no one there The day that pain got buried In Airman Kristeen Anderson’s grave That’s when you find that certain someone Who’s gonna get you through And you find out, that someone is you You…who’s heart never left you You…who always found the strength somehow You…who never did give up on you Even when you wanted to Today I’m really living I say what I’m feeling And I’m open to who knows what’s yet to come I’m grateful for my healers For my son and daughter And I realize I’ve never been alone ‘Cause in those times when I thought I didn’t matter There was always someone looking out for me And when you find that certain someone Who’s gonna get you through You find out that someone is you © 2019 SongwritingWith:Soldiers Music (ASCAP) / Middle Girl Music (ASCAP)
3.
I Believe In Me 03:51
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I believe in love, I believe in poetry I believe in taking pictures of the pretty things I see I believe in family and I believe in peace My name is Penny Lee and I believe in me I believe in music and the bell choir chimes I believe in singing together, poetry and rhymes I believe in horses, I believe in paddling My name is Penny Lee boys and I believe in me I believe in writing, I believe in the arts I believe the system is broken and it’s tearing us apart I believe in anger, I believe the truth will set me free My name is Penny Lee boys and I believe in me Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da I believe in the group and the goodness in all of us I believe in purpose and kicking my own butt I believe in starting over and heartfelt advocacy My name is Penny Lee girls and I believe in me My name is Penny Lee girls and I believe in me Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da © 2019 SongwritingWith:Soldiers Music (ASCAP) / Mary Gauthier Songs (ASCAP)
4.
Meant For More 02:30
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When you're eighteen You don't think about much Just what you're gonna buy With that hundred bucks The future, it was Friday night I'd do what Mama did And I'd be alright But somehow I knew I was meant for more I didn't know what But I was sure So, on my eighteenth birthday Signed the dotted line Army boot camp Goldie Hawn Hey what the hell is going on But I did my part For twenty years The drills The kids And my career I wanted to serve But there had to be more Didn't know what But I was sure And I might not have been sure About a lot of things Maybe every now and then A little doubt crept in But I kept on going From pole to pole Sea to sea First Sargent Was the job for me It's what I was born to do To serve, to love, to see it through I always knew I was meant for more Didn't know what But I was sure And you know that I ain't done There's a whole lot More where that came from © 2019 SongwritingWith:Soldiers Music (ASCAP) / Catherine The Great (ASCAP)
5.
For Them All 04:04
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Twenty-three hours you were on this earth A little baby girl, a big surprise, my first  We were so excited  Your daddy wanted you as much as I did Then it was eighteen hours for you little man  You were here and gone so fast I couldn’t understand  I remember thinking that’s strike two Then the flood of pain came from missing you  I just want you to know that my faith is strong  I'll always love my children and I’ve made peace with you moving on But God is a mystery and when he comes to call  What do you say when he asks for them all What do you say when he asks for them all Twenty-two years son, you outran the devil Had a heart soft as white fleece and a head hard as metal When I found out you were gone  I cried and walked through memories til dawn And you little one, I found out too late Before I knew it you were off through heaven's gate  I still think about what could have been Skipping rope, and prom, and even a wedding I just want you to know that my faith is strong I’ll always love my children and I’ve made peace with you moving on But God is a mystery and when he comes to call  What do you say when he asks for them all What do you say when he asks for them all If I could have stood up and said "Hell no" I would have Even sometimes at night I wonder if I should have  In my heart I know that I’ll see you again You can feel it in my prayers, you can hear it on the wind  I just want you to know that my faith is strong I’ll always love my children and I’ve made peace with you moving on But God is a mystery and when he comes to call  What do you say when he asked for them all What do you say when he asked for them all © 2019 SongwritingWith:Soldiers Music (ASCAP) / DOC Nov 16 2019
6.
Preparing To Die 04:25
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I was sitting in the front seat, on the passenger side In a truck on some road in Iraq as the day turned to night The soldier next to me she was too young to know We were at the beginning but close end of the road The convoy stood still, as night became day The trucks hadn’t moved, we were stuck and unsafe On the edge of existence in a war-zone so far from home I was trapped in a truck on an IED daisy-chained road I wanna know what it’s like to be somebody’s wife I wanna have kids watch ‘em grow up and thrive I wanna live and quit preparing to die I wanna live and quit preparing to die Villagers crouching behind razor wire by the road I didn’t know if they were friendly or foe I couldn't look, I couldn’t let myself care Who I once was blew away in the sand and the air I wanna know what it’s like to be somebody’s wife I wanna have kids watch them all grow up and thrive I wanna live and quit preparing to die I wanna live and quit preparing to die © 2019 SongwritingWith:Soldiers Music (ASCAP) / Mary Gauthier Songs (ASCAP)
7.
Through The Storm 04:35
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I was always crying But I didn't know why Since I was five years old Always tears in my eyes Took me forty years To give it a name To take off that mask To shed that shame Of no job No home No place in this world to call my own Desperate doubting Couldn't do one thing right Barely hanging on to My own life Short list of pros And a whole lot of cons For the reasons I should carry on The Adamsville Ancients Fife and Drum Corps Was the one and only thing I'd get out of bed for That American flag was the only thing I never let down Uphill both ways I picked myself off the ground Of no job No home No place in this world To call my own Desperate doubting Couldn't do one thing right Barely hanging on to My own life Short list of pros And a whole lot of cons For the reasons I should carry on Had to wade through muddy water To wash myself clean Of the places I'd been And the things I had seen So I could trust myself With my next step With my next move With my next breath Confident, so secure I finally got it right I took back my life Short list of cons And a whole lot of pros And a wide open endless road My tomorrow Will not be stolen My story is far from over No period Semicolon © 2019 SongwritingWith:Soldiers Music (ASCAP) / Catherine The Great (ASCAP)
8.
What Goes Around Comes Around 03:29
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A bed’s where you’re supposed to be Where a girl can dream A safe place to go to sleep But he made it hard and even to this day It’s tough to close my eyes and drift away In 1980 I woke up to that man Who didn’t belong in my barracks So I decided to make a plan The next night he showed up I’d put tacks down on the floor And when I heard him scream He didn’t bother me no more You do your job And you do it well They don’t care what they put you through They make your life a living hell No, they don’t do nothing So you have to move off post And then those good old boys get hurt And guess who they need the most What I have found Is what goes around comes around I’d always give them something to think about I’d say what if I was your sister Or someone you cared about You would have honored and protected her Reacted differently So why didn’t you do that for me I was a good nurse…a good soldier And looking at it now I know I made a difference somehow You do your job And you do it well They don’t care what they put you through They make your life a living hell No, they don’t do nothing So you have to move off post And then those good old boys get hurt And guess who they need the most What I have found Is what goes around comes around © 2019 SongwritingWith:Soldiers Music (ASCAP) / Middle Girl Music (ASCAP)
9.
Found Myself 03:31
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I was young and naive  But I always believed  God was good I was sure  He had a plan for me  Got knocked down with a fist Been betrayed by a kiss Too hurt to pray, lost my way  Then I found it again On the shores of Bermuda and Alaska, the wineries in Napa I found myself moving on  Rode through the mountains on a train drank the cava in Spain  I found myself moving on  For a while I thought the old me was gone  But I found myself moving  I learned when things got rough I just need to look up And give it all to the one  That created us I learned more about me  By not dwelling  In the past, living at last and traveling In the cafés in Paris and Venice, I said I loved them and I meant it  I found myself moving on  Closed the pubs down in Dublin, those Swiss Alps they were stunning  I found myself moving on  For a while I thought the old me was gone  But I found myself moving on On the shores Bermuda and Alaska, the wineries in Napa I found myself moving on  Rode through the mountains on a train drank the cava in Spain  I found myself moving on  For a while I thought the old me was gone  Yeah, I thought the old me was gone But I found myself moving on © 2019 SongwritingWith:Soldiers Music (ASCAP) / DOC Nov 16 2019
10.
Not The Only One 02:41
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I’m not the only one Who’s been to hell and back I’m not the only one Who’s been there and done that When I hear you say you’ve done the things I’ve done I’m not the only one Feels so good to be whole and to be free When I hear your story, Sister, I see me To let those secrets out, what a relief I’m not the only one Who’s been to hell and back I’m not the only one Who’s been there and done that When I hear you say you’ve done the things I’ve done I’m not the only one I’m not the only one who tried not to reveal The truth about all the things I feel Now that the truth is out, I’m becoming real I’m not the only one Who’s been to hell and back I’m not the only one Who’s been there and done that When I hear you say you’ve done the things I’ve done I’m not the only one Here’s to the voiceless and afraid You’re not alone, we know you’re brave You’re not the only one Who’s been to hell and back You’re not the only one Who’s been there and done that Sister, I’ve done the things you’ve done When you’re feeling like you’re all alone You’re not the only one © 2019 SongwritingWith:Soldiers Music (ASCAP) / DOC Nov 2019 / Catherine The Great (ASCAP) / Middle Girl Music (ASCAP)
11.
BONUS - Still Together, Alone 03:26
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We’ve done this before We’ve practiced for a war We know how to survive And figure out how to thrive We’ve had our wills in place Taken care of our affairs Life insurance is nothing new Hell, that’s just what soldiers do Making peace with the unknown We’re still together, alone Riding through this storm Together, alone Goodbye doesn’t mean the end It’s just another way to begin Access the risk and find the door Then make room for something more We’ve befriended the unknown We’ve been hurt and we’ve grown Then we’ve risen above And carried on with love Making peace with the unknown We’re still together, alone Riding through this storm Together, alone Making peace with the unknown We’re still together, alone Riding through this storm Together, alone, together, alone

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released December 28, 2019

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SongwritingWith:Soldiers Nashville, Tennessee

SongwritingWith:Soldiers is a non-profit 501c (3) organization.

Our Mission: We transform lives by using collaborative songwriting to expand creativity, connections, and strengths.

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