SW​:​S Retreat May 2017

by SongwritingWith:Soldiers

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    Our retreats pair professional songwriters with veterans, military families and couples, and active-duty service members to write songs about their military experiences and returning home. Crissie Fitzgerald, Ramona Goodrum , Angel Munoz, AnnMarie O’Malley, Angie Parkerson, Sandi Primous, Arpinee Sarkisian, Abeni C. Scott, Lauri Ann Sisney, Holly Slaughter, Janet Williams participated in the May 2017 retreat.
    These songs are their stories and are recorded on site at retreats. They capture a song just hours after being written, like the song taking its first breath.
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1.
Mary Gauthier / Group Pushing through the silence Reaching for the words Out here on the front line Ready to be heard Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Do I need to say it louder? Can you hear me now? You can call me nasty You can call me bitch You can call me anything But I ain’t gonna quit Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Do I need to say it louder? Can you hear me now? Don’t underestimate me I ain’t some pretty face You might wake up one morning And this pretty face has taken your place Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Do I need to say it louder? Can you hear me now?
2.
Lauri Ann Sisney / Georgia Middleman He was a good one…6’3” from Sweetwater, TX…he was good to me when I would fight with my sister and my mom would get mad she’d always threaten the same thing with all the venom she had “Wait ‘til your daddy gets home” he’s gonna set you straight” but if she knew my daddy like I knew my daddy she’d know I couldn’t wait He would take us to our room and shut door So mom couldn’t see us, then his belt hit the floor We would scream just like banshees while we’d quietly laugh And walk out of that bedroom looking sullen and sad She’d say “Wait ‘til your daddy gets home” he’s gonna set you straight” and he always did all through my life and never a minute too late When I heard that we were losing him I took the next flight home I held his hand and stroked his hair And helped my dad let go the church was overflowing from all the lives he touched I wonder if he ever knew That he was loved so much Wait ‘til your daddy gets home You are and now you’re free I miss you more than words can say And Dad, please wait for me
3.
Amy Speace / Angie Parkerson / AnnMarie O’Malley / Crissie Fitzgerald / Ramona Goodrum / Angel Munoz / Sandi Primous / Arpinee Sarkisian / Holly Slaughter I’ve always done what was expected What others wanted me to do There's been something I've neglected While I've been following the rules I wasn't living just existing always giving to everyone but me I wanted to be Free finally I wanted to be Free finally I was trained to be a fighter This is a different kind of war It's not out there no it's inside me Now I know what I'm fighting for For acceptance, independence, confidence it’s not only me So I can be Free finally I can be Free finally Don't forget don't regret Take off the mask don't go back there Spread the word until I’m heard Raise my fist watch me do this I am Free finally Yes I am Free finally I am Free finally I am Free finally There is power in my story And it's reflected in your eyes It's a choir of connection Sister warriors by my side
4.
JEREMY 03:05
Angel Munoz / Mary Gauthier / Bonnie Bishop Mamma called you headache You were a pain in the ass You’d hug me so tight you’d crack a bone When something bad happened You were the first one by my side When you were here I was not alone Jeremy, Jeremy I wish you would have talked to me Oorah, headache, the marine Jeremy, Jeremy You pushed through, and now you’re free I see you in colors in my dreams It was there behind your silence It was there behind your wall It was waiting for you there behind your eyes The little boy who loved to laugh Was warring all along And we never really knew it til you died Jeremy, Jeremy I wish you would have talked to me Oorah, headache, the marine Jeremy, Jeremy You pushed through, and now you’re free I see you in colors in my dreams The day I got the phone call I fell to my knees That night heaven came to view Bright lights down a tunnel, rainbow colors, flowing peace I saw orange I knew it was you Jeremy, Jeremy I wish you would have talked to me Oorah, headache, the marine Jeremy, Jeremy You broke through, and now your free I see you in colors in my dreams You come to me in colors in my dreams
5.
MASCARA 03:10
Holly Slaughter / Georgia Middleman Everyday I’m cleaning something Or cooking for somebody else I keep up the house I taxi my kids And I don’t make time for myself I used run 10k races Pilot airplanes all over the place But lately I wonder Where that woman has gone Been awhile since I’ve seen her face And oh where did that confidence go It’s gotta be somewhere I know Would you look at me Trying to be perfect and strong What a joke Sometimes I think I don’t matter at all I guess what I’m trying to say Is I was stupid to think I could wear mascara today I was an air force lieutenant colonel Dedicated, always in demand But what people don’t see Is I’m really a mess Not the person you think that I am And oh where did that confidence go It’s gotta be somewhere I know Would you look at me Trying to be perfect and strong What a joke Sometimes I think I don’t matter at all I guess what I’m trying to say Is I was stupid to think I could wear mascara today
6.
MOVE OUT 03:13
Bonnie Bishop / Janet Williams I was born to move But I’ve been standing still It’s time to get up and go Just gotta find the will I got a point to prove Ain’t for no one else I know what I can do Just need to prove it to myself I’m gonna move Move out Get going On something I’m gonna push Break free Can’t sit around for nothing I’m gonna change My ways Gonna find some direction Gonna step out from these shadows Feel the light upon my face It’s time to move, move out It’s time to move, move out Well I paid my dues And I marched the line Did what I was told In double time And I got off that highway Some years ago Now I’m just wasting time Hanging round the corner store I’m gonna move Move out Get going On something I’m gonna push Break free Can’t sit around for nothing I’m gonna change
7.
Crissie Fitzgerald / Amy Speace / Mary Gauthier / Bonnie Bishop Mama was a Mormon Daddy was a cowboy Grew up in a small town, we knew everyone There for generations, you can see it on the headstones The middle of Utah that's where we're from Every life is a puzzle, this one's mine Putting it together one piece at a time Went to Colorado, I wanted to fly Air Force Academy back in 95 I was better at numbers, I stayed on the ground Didn't get what I wanted but I wanted what I found Every life is a puzzle this one's mine Putting it together one piece at a time Love came out of nowhere was a beautiful surprise We couldn't talk about it twenty years of lies It was too much to carry, too much to hold There was no way to know that twenty years ago Every life is a puzzle, this one's mine Still putting it together one piece at a time If there's anything I've learned, if there's anything I know The lesson is the journey, you get there as you go Every life is a puzzle and this one's mine Still putting it together one piece at a time If life is a puzzle I'm happy with mine I'm putting it together one piece at a time Yeah I'm putting it together one piece at a time
8.
AnnMarie O’Malley / Georgia Middleman Sometimes I feel like a broken bicycle I keep trying to petal but I can’t make it roll I wanna ride to my future, can I get there or not how do you do that when all that you’ve got (are) Square wheels, square wheels To move forward Everyone thinks that they need to be round But sometimes you’ve got to be broken Before you can finally be found With square wheels You just gotta find the right ground A pathful of pebbles may be all what I need ‘cause the surface don’t matter; it’s what’s underneath and it weaves like a staircase but it gives me support this road may not look safe but it’s perfect for Square wheels, square wheels To move forward Everyone thinks that they need to be round But sometimes you’ve got to be broken Before you can finally be found With square wheels You just gotta find the right ground Where I’m going I’m not so sure But one thing I know to be true Is this road didn’t appear out of nowhere And I’m betting...others are riding it too Square wheels, square wheels To move forward Everyone thinks that they need to be round But sometimes you’ve got to be broken Before you can finally be found With square wheels You just gotta find the right ground Square wheels, square wheels You just gotta find the right ground
9.
THAT BLAST 05:03
Mary Gauthier / Mona Goodrum They said, “You won’t get to heaven if you take your own life.” They said, “There won’t be peace for you on the other side.” That’s what they taught me, ever since I was child They said, “You won’t get to heaven if you take your own life.” But sometimes all I think about is wanting to die All I can do is hold on, pray for strength, hit my knees and cry She was right there in front of me, then gone, in the blink of an eye Now I’m scared I won’t get to heaven if I take my own life I pray that God has mercy on her soul I pray that God will help me let her go I pray to let the past be in the past Don’t let two good soldiers die in that blast I’m thankful for my grandbabies now there’s a different kind of love When they wrap their arms around me, I thank heaven above A lifetime in that moment, and the whole world suddenly feels right And I don’t think bout death or taking my own life I pray that God has mercy on her soul I pray that God will help me let her go I pray to let the past be in the past Don’t let two good soldiers die in that blast Please don’t let two good soldiers die in that blast
10.
THE PHOENIX 03:58
Bonnie Bishop / Arpini Sarkisian You see these stories written on my body? They’re not just some tattoos I used to kill people for a living I ain’t scared of you I bet you thought you got the best of me When you burned me to the ground But the phoenix always rises Stronger than the fire Fearless as a warrior baptized by desire Yeah the phoenix always rises There was a time when I was bruised and shattered But I’m coming back around It took a while for me to find my courage I’m flying higher now You’re getting smaller as I spread my wings I see my life ahead of me Cause the phoenix always rises Stronger than the fire Fearless as a warrior baptized by desire The phoenix always rises I feel the heat of the rage on my skin Into the flame I will fly once again Cause the phoenix always rises Stronger than the fire Fearless as a warrior baptized by desire The phoenix always rises The phoenix always rises Fearless as a warrior baptized by desire The phoenix always rises The phoenix always rises
11.
TWENTY YEARS 04:02
Mary Gauthier / Abeni C. Scott I gave you my heart when I was just a girl I left home for you, to go and see the world Twenty years together, now I’m moving on Not sure where I’m going, not sure where I belong Oh I grew up with you, and you held my hand I went from girl to woman cause you believed in who I am Then I raised your sons and daughters just like you raised me Not sure where I’m headed now, but it’s time for me to leave I fought for you I loved and I believed Twenty years in service to your needs I always knew that I could be replaced But nothing could prepare me for that day I’m happy that I met you, I leave with no regret Thank you for the memories, stories I will not forget I’ll carry you inside my heart, family friends and home I’ll remember what you taught me, as I head out on my own I fought for you I loved and I believed Twenty years in service to your needs I always knew I could be replaced Oh but nothing could prepare me for that day Oh nothing could prepare me for that day
12.
Amy Speace / Angie Parkerson I wanna know what real love feels like I wanna know what real love feels like I needed a mother who could protect me I needed a father who wouldn’t leave I wanted a husband who was kind and sober So my story would not repeat I wanna know what real love feels like I wanna know what real love feels like I wanna know what real love feels like Unconditional I wanted a god who didn't abandon I wanted a faith that wouldn't stray I needed to know I wasn't alone Or that everybody goes away I wanna know what real love feels like I wanna know what real love feels like I wanna know what real love feels like Unconditional And I want this for my daughter To give her all, all that she deserves So she can feel all that she feels without judgment So she can knows everything I never learned I wanna know what real love feels like I wanna know what real love feels like I wanna know what real love feels like Unconditional Unconditional That’s what real love feels like Unconditional

credits

released June 4, 2017

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SongwritingWith:Soldiers Nashville, Tennessee

SongwritingWith:Soldiers is a non-profit 501c (3) organization.

Our Mission: We transform lives by using collaborative songwriting to expand creativity, connections, and strengths.

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